60 letters to President Bush…..
The President’s on a state visit to Great Britain this week and the Guardian is posting letters written by people, both British and American, who wanted to write something to George Bush. They run the gamut from supportive (“Mr President, take no notice of your European critics. Hold fast to your determination to create a better life for the people of Iraq and a safer world for the peoples of the world,”) to extremely condemnatory (one of the Wardens of Oxford wrote “Many of the protesters think you are a mass murderer; you certainly have form as a serial killer,” with regards to Bush having been governor of Texas and Texas’s application of the death penalty) to the strange (“How come Tony does everything you say?…Do you have pictures of him in bed with Prince Charles? Or a goat? It has to be something like that. Please let me know.”) One of the writers wrote something that made me laugh out loud, but considering the source I’m not surprised. After all, the Reduced Shakespeare Company has been making me laugh for years.
Welcome to Grate Britten. We haven’t been introduced before, but my name is Adam of the Reduced Shakespeare Company and I’m Californian. I’m sorry that my state voted Gore, but there you go…
I’m writing because in my work as an expatriate Shakespearean vaudevillian, I spend a lot of time reading ancient Buddhist texts, and I have a suggestion for you regarding policy direction. I think you should model your administration on Asoka, Beloved of the Gods, the great Buddhist emperor of India (3rd century BC). Although he was initially warlike and bloodthirsty (think Dick Cheney with a scimitar), he converted to Buddhism and began governing according to principles of tolerance, compassion and non-violence. And even though he was totally peaceful, neighbouring countries never took advantage of him because he was so cool.
So when you get back to the US, if you could do that for me, I’d be much obliged. Also, could you send over some Oreo cookies? You can’t get ’em anywhere here. Thanks.
Director and female impersonator, the Reduced Shakespeare Co, UK
PS: If you’ve got a free afternoon while you’re here you should come over to my house. I’ve got the director’s cut of Dude, Where’s My Car on DVD.
PPS: The word “fanny” means something completely different over here, so don’t use it in polite company.
Moment of Zen